I want to first explain what this "Everybody Hates Paige" business is all about. For some peculiar reason when I was born, the stars aligned and determined that the most ridiculous shit ever would happen to me. I am the friend that tells stories about my love life, everyday life, and random encounters only to hear my friends laugh and respond "Paige, that shit only happens to you..."
When I was younger, I thought something was wrong with me... but I have now learned to embrace it all... the good, the bad, and the ridiculous... So here goes Part I of my story. Enjoy and please feel free to offer your thoughts in the comment section :)
There's this guy... I will refer to him as Brian for discretion purposes. Brian went to Howard and he's older (I'm 23 and I think he's around 26/27)... I was up one night so bored that I decided to browse Facebook since all of my Twitter homies were sleep and their ever so annoying Twittascopes began to fill my Timeline. Then, I got a "Facebook Suggestion" to be friends with this kid I once met through one of my girls from the tennis team my freshman year. I requested his friendship and the next day, he hits me through a message saying, "What's up? How you been girl?" The usual...
While I'm vacationing in Aruba with the rents, we are texting, Fbooking, and arranging our plans to hang out when I get back to DC. I get back to DC and we talk everyday all day about everything under the sun. We discussed my terrible sleeping habits and how they were preventing me from waking up in time to get to my 8 a.m. class. Brian offers to serve as my personal alarm clock and call me when he wakes up for work and the first day was a FAIL to be honest. I guess he noticed what a skit master I was and would make me talk to him for about 10-20 minutes to make sure I was actually awake. (I thought this was very cute and thoughtful by the way and I would say he got about 20 cool points daily for his efforts…) After about two weeks of constant communication, nightly phone calls, and random sweet nothings via text message, we planned to have dinner at his crib after I finished attending one of my Campus Organization meetings.
Let me pause and say I did notice the way he spoke and to paint a picture for you... it was a mix of the incorrect grammar of a foreigner, a New Orleans/Caribbean accent, and some other shit that I can't even figure out. Now I would be a lying cunt if I said this didn't irk the hell out of me. I actually considered not dealing with him all together because of this, but I've been brainwashed by society/Howard to adopt the mentality that the "Young Black Men with College Degrees AND a JOB" pickings are slim, therefore I can't afford to be TOO picky.
So… I told myself... "Paige, I understand that you can be a little Hilary Banks-ish at times and you are more inclined to date guys who are a little Will Smith with a dash of Carlton Banks, but give the guy a chance and see where it goes. Do not judge him... Be cool... Get some Jack Daniels in your system before you hang out to take the annoying edge off and see how you feel dude."
Ok! Cool... So, I'm getting over it and looking past his many text typos (“right” always spelled “rite”... an occasional “their” being spelled as “there”... You know what the fuck I'm talking about...) We are about to hang out and I wear a cute little polo from the thrift, some skinnies, and heels (which I only really do if I'm in girly/club/job/date/or just "feeling myself" mode.) I go to my meeting and he hits me up telling me he's outside exactly when he said he would be. (On time? Check! Does he look as cute in person as he did on Facebook? Check! A quick case of first encounter butterflies? CHECK!) I'm geeked y'all...
Let me just say that I rarely give a guy enough time to even impress me after I’ve picked out things I don’t really like about him, let alone have me experiencing some damn butterflies. When I got in the car, he was playing Caribbean rap music that I wasn't really feeling (Actually, I’m lying… I hated it and felt like it was making my ears bleed), but it explained the accent a little, so I was cool with it. The lad lets me know that he needs to make a delivery to his mentee's house in Southeast...
(Making a positive impact in the Black community??? CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!)
We're driving to Southeast, having great conversation just like we do over the phone, and cracking up at the inside jokes made in our earlier convos… A player is excited and feeling optimistic. We get to the house in Southeast and he tells me he has to run in the house for a moment to get some papers from the kid and I agree to wait in the car. About 5 minutes pass and he comes out, gets in the car, and is brushing off his clothes. For this next part of the story, I think the dialogue will be better for your entertainment.
-To be continued…
