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Take Dat, Take Dat!

I figured this was a good time (more than ever) to begin this journey. I have this thing where I hold people accountable for stuff they say they’d like to do. LOL Yea, I’m that friend that is like, “Didn’t you say you wouldn’t call him again?” or “You said you quit smoking right?” No B$%&^ intended, I’d just rather hold you down. Anyway, so I kinda want to put a couple of things out into the universe and hopefully people can help me along the way. Like…. Ask me how it’s going… Link me to the right people… Give me some idea’s …. Call me out when I am slacking…. Simply send me a little note that reads: “I am proud of you”.

So instead of making New Year resolutions, my Buddy (@jamelF and best guy friend) and I make goals for the year. No limits, no time range, nothing outrageous - just GOALS. So one of my goals was to put one of my talents/skills up to the plate and stop wasting a good thing. That said, I decided to broaden my PR and Marketing skills. I am starting a company!! It’s called The Millennial Effect, a public relations and marketing consulting company.



Anyway, I am really trying to be the best that I can be. Basically, I feel like God blesses you with things. All of them aren’t things you are destined to do forever or as a career, but we since we have them… Who are we to ignore blessings? So I decided to attack everything and give things a try. If I can do it, I will do my best to put it to use in some way. But I need prayers, motivation, encouragement and support. Okay? Haha

I will post more info soon!

Dope as hell,

-Vic

"Everybody Hates Paige: A Pig, a Horse, and a Clove Part II"

*NOTE: I am not exaggerating this dialogue … ESPECIALLY his.*

Me: (Chuckle) You alright man?

Brian: Yea bae bae! Ya’ boy is good… Do you smell me baby?

(I sniff near him and smell the heavy Newport scent)

Brian: I smell like smoke… Ugh! (Disgusted look) I hate smelling like smoke. I hate smoking period. Real talk shawty.

Me: (Awkward) Yeeaa… I know right… (Looks out the car window)

Brian: Bae! I tell ya… that shit is the worst ya know? I can’t ever get down with that…. Ya’heard’me???

Me: Oh yea… I heard ya…

(Brian chuckles to himself… Short silent pause)

Brian: Baby?

Me: What’s up?

Brian: Do you smoke?

Me: Ummm… yea. I do actually.

Brian: You do? What you smoke? Weed or suttin? That’s cool though.

*Open minded? CHECK.*

Me: Nope… Not a weed smoker.

Brian: Oh… What you smoke then bae?

Me: I smoke cloves…

Brian: Cloves? What’s that? A lil’ girl cigarette or suttin’?

Me: (Chuckles) Ha! Naww…Not a “girl” cigarette. They’re black… it’s like a cigar kind of. They’re from Indonesia.

Brian: Ohhh… Ok… Cloves… Hmmm…

Me: Yep… Cloves…

(Awkward silence- that I’m sure lasted a whole 10 seconds... Try counting it. It’s a pretty awkward pause in a conversation.)

Brian: Damn baby, don’t you care about your life?

Me: Umm… Yea… Definitely care about my life.

Brian: I don’t know bae… That smoking shit ain’t good fa ya’ babygirl.

Me: Yea… I know… I ummm yea… I care. My life is kind of a big deal to me… I don’t plan on being a smoker for the rest of my life, but I enjoy it right now and I guess we all have our vices, ya know?

Brian: Yeaa… I guess.

*Health conscious? CHECK.*

*Stupid ass logic for approving weed but not smoking in general? CHECK.*

(The topic changes onto how I want to learn Spanish someday. Then it shifts to how people always assume he’s Dominican.)

Me: Oh my God! Meeee too… I don’t get it. When I worked at the W, my Dominican co-workers would walk up to me and start talking to me in Spanish.

Brian: (Laughs) Forreal?

Me: Yes! It was the weirdest thing ever.

Brian: Yea, I just look at em’ and nod my head like “Naw shawty… No hablo Espanol my nigga.” (Laughs at his own joke.)

Me: (Ignores corny joke and continues convo.) Well, ya’ know, I can actually see why people would think you’re Dominican.

Brian: Oh get outta here!

Me: No… No… Seriously. I can. I think it’s your features and your skin complexion. You got that whole Dominican baseball player thing going on.

Brian: Is that so?

Me: Yea man… I can TOTALLY see it.

Brian: Well, I can see it with you too.

Me: Ohh… Really?

Brian: Yeaa… Yea… I mean I would say it’s those lips of yours, your eyes, your features in general actually. Oh! And DEFINITELY that long ass hair of yours….

Brian: I’m curious though…

Me: About?

Brian: Baby, is that your hair?

Me: Nope! It’s a weave.

Brian: Ohhh… Ok… Well… I mean shit. That’s cool babygirl. You paid for it. So it’s your shit right? (Awkward chuckle)

Me: Yea. I mean… Sure… if you want to put it that way. It’s cool man. I don’t wear weave because I’m insecure about my natural hair. I love my natural hair. (Smug grin) It’s fly as shit. (Twiddles weave around index finger in a slow “crazy in the head” motion) THIS isn’t my shit… It’s just a weave.

Brian: (Uncomfortable) Yea… True.

*A real understanding of the black woman’s hair struggle? Half-CHECK.*

(So the convo is now officially awkward as hell but it shifts a little bit more. Not as great, but back to normal. Then he brings up us going on a date soon. He asks me about different spots in DC and if I’ve tried any of these spots. Then he begins describing his favorite place Vapiano.)

Brian: Bae! This food is amazing… you would love it. We HAVE to go. Like we HAVE to.

Me: (Giggle) Ok. Ok… I’m down.

Brian: You sure?

Me: Yea man. I’m sure. I’d love to go.

Brian: Cool… I’m going out of town this weekend, but when I get back. We going!

Me: Sounds perfect. Can’t wait.

Brian: Yea bae, I’d say let’s go now but I already ate dinner.

Me: Oh no worries… we can just go when you get back. Ahhh… I’m starving though. What did you have for dinner? (Laughs at this fat girl question. BTW I don’t give two shits about his dinner. I just want to imagine the food since I’m so hungry.)

Brian: Oh damn… I had that bomb dinner. I had some curry chicken… some rice and peas… some (I can’t remember and didn’t want to lie and make it up lol)… It was bomb. It was so good.

Me: Awww… that sounds amazing. (Laughs again at how hungry I am and how that gave me a stomach orgasm.)

Brian: Yea… I had my sister whip that up for me. Only chicken or fish for me ALWAYS.

Me: (Mockingly) Ohhh. Ok. Really?

(Brian doesn’t seem to catch the sarcasm and begins to rant.)

Brian: Yea BABY! Only chicken or fish. No pork. None of that! I don’t eat that pork shit… I can’t get down with that.

Brian: Ya’heard’me?

Me: Yep... I heard you. That’s cool though. I respect it.

Brian: Paige?

Me: Yes Brian…

Brian: Do you eat pork?

Me: (Sigh) Yea Brian… I eat pork.

So I sighed one more time and allowed the awkward moment to linger as long as it wanted to. He then asks where my car is, I tell him, and he drops me off at the Annex. Before I got out, we had our goodbye convo, which consisted of him telling me he was going out and would hit me up later that night. Let me just cut to the chase here and say I never heard from Brian again...

Now, some girls would have a fit after never receiving a “how’s your day?” call, wake up call, or text ever again. Me... I actually respected it. I respect a man who is honest about what he wants and chooses NOT to play games. Brian asked me a series of questions and I failed MISERABLY. After this failed hang out session, he decided he wasn’t interested in me and acted accordingly. I actually COMMEND this man on skipping the games and letting his actions show his lack of interest.

My thoughts on this subject matter though actually have nothing to do with him. What began to piss me off was MY thought process/actions. I found maybe 5 unforgivable grammatical errors in his texts daily, I was turned off by the way he spoke, and I HATED that weak ass Caribbean music he played in his car. I know you might say, “text spelling, jargin, and someone’s taste in music are NOT the same as a weave, smoking cloves, and eating pork.” I normally would agree, but I can’t help but think about what I want out of a man (MY own guilty qualifications.)

I want to be able to introduce a guy to my friends and family in Georgia without being slightly embarrassed. Spelling “their” as “there” is just unacceptable after the 3^rd time and the 3^rd grade, and well… a man with good taste in music is by far one of the sexiest qualities a man can have in my book.

The thing is… I got so caught up in people telling me how I should go about finding a "good" man. "You can't be too picky… You have to give guys a chance even if you don't like some things about them... and if you find some things that REALLY you don't like, you can change him.... you can mold him into the man that you want him to be."

My first issue is besides the obvious traits we should want (educated, caring, loyal, strong)... What makes a man "good?" or shit... What makes a woman "good?” Why can't I be picky? Have I lost that right since I am a 23 year old, single, black woman in 2010? Is it because I’m a woman? Is it because I’m a BLACK woman? Am I wrong for having enough confidence in myself to believe it is going to be okay, I am dope as shit, and will get chose?

Do any of us REALLY know who we are going to marry right now? (Ok! Some people may and for y’all that’s super cute :)… But why the pressure to change people? Why the pressure to settle? I think it's time to evaluate our thinking... Women will spend hours finding the right outfit, hairstyle, pack of weave (Yea, I said it!), shoes, or OPI color of the month... but when it comes to choosing a man who will have a place in our LIFE, apartment, car, BED, we shouldn't be picky?

I'm not saying we should have a long checklist of “Must-Haves,” but if there are some qualities that you just DO NOT want to settle on, then trust your gut, and don't be afraid to chunk up the deuces. The great Carrie Bradshaw once said, “Some people are settling down, some people are settling, and some people refuse to settle for anything less than butterflies.”

All in all, I refuse to settle. I want what I want and I’m cool with being patient to get until I get it. Let me be clear and say, Brian is some girl’s “good” man. I’m sure of it. I just prefer my butterflies with a side of bacon every now and then…

-Paige

Besties :)

I just wanted to post a pic of me and my Bestie Paige!! I'm gonna start posting more often. A lot of "just because" type shit.

So here is an oldie but goodie. Fuck wit me.

-Vic

Everybody Hates Paige: “A Pig, a Horse, and a Clove, Part I"

I want to first explain what this "Everybody Hates Paige" business is all about. For some peculiar reason when I was born, the stars aligned and determined that the most ridiculous shit ever would happen to me. I am the friend that tells stories about my love life, everyday life, and random encounters only to hear my friends laugh and respond "Paige, that shit only happens to you..."

When I was younger, I thought something was wrong with me... but I have now learned to embrace it all... the good, the bad, and the ridiculous... So here goes Part I of my story. Enjoy and please feel free to offer your thoughts in the comment section :)

There's this guy... I will refer to him as Brian for discretion purposes. Brian went to Howard and he's older (I'm 23 and I think he's around 26/27)... I was up one night so bored that I decided to browse Facebook since all of my Twitter homies were sleep and their ever so annoying Twittascopes began to fill my Timeline. Then, I got a "Facebook Suggestion" to be friends with this kid I once met through one of my girls from the tennis team my freshman year. I requested his friendship and the next day, he hits me through a message saying, "What's up? How you been girl?" The usual...

While I'm vacationing in Aruba with the rents, we are texting, Fbooking, and arranging our plans to hang out when I get back to DC. I get back to DC and we talk everyday all day about everything under the sun. We discussed my terrible sleeping habits and how they were preventing me from waking up in time to get to my 8 a.m. class. Brian offers to serve as my personal alarm clock and call me when he wakes up for work and the first day was a FAIL to be honest. I guess he noticed what a skit master I was and would make me talk to him for about 10-20 minutes to make sure I was actually awake. (I thought this was very cute and thoughtful by the way and I would say he got about 20 cool points daily for his efforts…) After about two weeks of constant communication, nightly phone calls, and random sweet nothings via text message, we planned to have dinner at his crib after I finished attending one of my Campus Organization meetings.

Let me pause and say I did notice the way he spoke and to paint a picture for you... it was a mix of the incorrect grammar of a foreigner, a New Orleans/Caribbean accent, and some other shit that I can't even figure out. Now I would be a lying cunt if I said this didn't irk the hell out of me. I actually considered not dealing with him all together because of this, but I've been brainwashed by society/Howard to adopt the mentality that the "Young Black Men with College Degrees AND a JOB" pickings are slim, therefore I can't afford to be TOO picky.

So… I told myself... "Paige, I understand that you can be a little Hilary Banks-ish at times and you are more inclined to date guys who are a little Will Smith with a dash of Carlton Banks, but give the guy a chance and see where it goes. Do not judge him... Be cool... Get some Jack Daniels in your system before you hang out to take the annoying edge off and see how you feel dude."

Ok! Cool... So, I'm getting over it and looking past his many text typos (“right” always spelled “rite”... an occasional “their” being spelled as “there”... You know what the fuck I'm talking about...) We are about to hang out and I wear a cute little polo from the thrift, some skinnies, and heels (which I only really do if I'm in girly/club/job/date/or just "feeling myself" mode.) I go to my meeting and he hits me up telling me he's outside exactly when he said he would be. (On time? Check! Does he look as cute in person as he did on Facebook? Check! A quick case of first encounter butterflies? CHECK!) I'm geeked y'all...

Let me just say that I rarely give a guy enough time to even impress me after I’ve picked out things I don’t really like about him, let alone have me experiencing some damn butterflies. When I got in the car, he was playing Caribbean rap music that I wasn't really feeling (Actually, I’m lying… I hated it and felt like it was making my ears bleed), but it explained the accent a little, so I was cool with it. The lad lets me know that he needs to make a delivery to his mentee's house in Southeast...

(Making a positive impact in the Black community??? CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!)

We're driving to Southeast, having great conversation just like we do over the phone, and cracking up at the inside jokes made in our earlier convos… A player is excited and feeling optimistic. We get to the house in Southeast and he tells me he has to run in the house for a moment to get some papers from the kid and I agree to wait in the car. About 5 minutes pass and he comes out, gets in the car, and is brushing off his clothes. For this next part of the story, I think the dialogue will be better for your entertainment.

-To be continued…

Eat, Pray, Love... Grow!

Isn’t it funny how we don’t realize that we’re growing until we’ve grown? We need to see results and progress to believe. Like, when women are trying a new diet, they aren’t satisfied until their jeans fit a little looser or the number gets lower on the scale. Forget the fact that they are now exercising or eating healthy. We all just want results. The funniest thing about it is that it isn’t really funny at all.

What happen to patience? Being diligent dreamers? I feel like we were taught the basic subjects in school but no one really taught us about hope and motivation. Who teaches that subject? The closest thing is church- Which in my experiences, bring me back down to Earth and keep me grounded. However, where was our life coach back in grade school who should have been lifting us up? The person who isn’t your parents but says, “You can do it” and “Believe in yourself”. This is so frustrating to me because this is SO ME! I play this role and I cannot stand being surrounded by people who don’t have it in them to reciprocate. Love me hard as f*ck or let me be!!

One day God told me I needed a divine addition in my life. At that time, I didn’t know what it would be. But in the end, He decided to bless me with Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Incorporated. And with that, He gave me Linesisters. Through that sisterhood, I learned how to follow suit like no other (since I am in the BACK of the Line :)). Apparently, the Sorors are all reading Eat, Pray, Love- So you know what I did? I copped that jawn too!

Between breathing, sleeping, eating, and working, I can’t keep my hands off of this book. This post won’t be a synopsis of the book. One- Because I am not finished yet. And two- Because this is something you need to experience for yourself. This book is amazing in so many ways. So far it’s taught me about pursuit of personal pleasure, the strength of spirituality and self-identity. This book is ALL about the "you can do it"- Just what I needed.

The book is reminding me that if you don’t make you happy, who will? There are so many things about me that I let slip through the cracks because I am trying to make someone else happy or trying to do what I think should make me happy. But when is the right time to discover what makes me ecstatic and indulge in it? I’ve decided: RIGHT FUCKIN NOW!!

With this, I decided that the people that I will surround myself with are going to make me happy as hell. They will inspire me. Challenge me. Be good to me. Surprise me. Put me on to new things. Love me. Motivate me. Explore with me. Try new things with me. Take over the world with me. Pray with me. Read books with me. Look fly with me. Appreciate a good quote with me. Grow with me.

Isn’t funny how we grow and don’t even realize it? Now that my vision is clear, I do see results. But I am still satisfied with the results that have yet to come. I am happy with the road to success, just as much as I will be pleased when I finally get off that road and park this bitch called “life.” I am growing and morphing into this free spirited, spiritual woman. I am blossoming into a healthier, more loving me. I am rising to my highest height.

How are you growing?

-Vic

My Type Of Girl...

When we set standards and expectations, we base them off of what we imagine is ideal. Correct? So, in the end, when we mold ourselves into the women and men, mothers and fathers, husbands and wives that we should be, we are essentially saying that, that is what we would look for if we were judging from the outside. Like, the woman I want to be is in all actuality the woman I'd wanna marry if I were a dude. Get it?

So, would I date me? No, seriously. Ask yourself this question. Is what you are offering good enough if it was YOU on the receiving end?

But then on the other end. I WANT to be soooo much! I am not there yet though. However, I have high expectations. Recently, my expectations have been challenged. The question at hand was whether my expectations and standards were too high? Did I expect it right now or just for my partner to aspire to standards of that height? Well, I've been thinking about it and it's not that I want it right this minute.

My standards will not lower any time soon. Nor will they change because someone cannot meet them. They will simply find a healthy balance. Which is for that person to at least have aspirations that are in the same lane as mine. I can "bend" but I will not fold. I will work on my patience. Not only because it is more realistic, but because I may not be the package that my partner wants me to be right now. I’d expect him to be patient while I grow too.

Another funny thing about love and expectations are boundaries. Once we’ve crossed them, do we know how to step back over them to get on the right path? If you know, please enlighten us all. When you have gone too far or the relationship gets too bad, how do you fix it? Right now I am learning that it’s not all about WHO we are but WHERE we are at the time…

Who am I? I’m strong, opinionated, anal at times, sarcastic, sweet, inspirational, harsh, a good listener, pushy, selfish, stubborn, giving, self-centered, enthusiastic, charismatic, intelligent, and dingy. Yep, these are all parts of who I am… at times. Would I want to be with me? I say yes at first but then I question myself at times. Do I say that about myself because I run away from people who cannot except me for me? Am I unbearable but don’t take the time out to take responsibility for my faults? Do I even deserve all that I ask for? Idk anymore. But MY question is: If I am too much of one of my characteristics, can I change that for someone I love? How does one change what they’ve been programmed to be for 23 years of living? If I decide to change/mend/fix, how long will it take me and how long will they wait?

So much of me has changed over the last couple of years that I, along with so many of my friends, am having a hard time keeping up with myself. When you describe yourself, do you use a general speech that you’ve been using for years? Most people do! They don’t really know how to describe themselves because in life, you don’t deal with YOU. You deal with the reaction that people give from you and you base who you are off of that.

So what would your partner say about you? Is how they see you really farfetched? Or are you in denial?

We have to look at ourselves for who and what we REALLY are. And if we, in fact, don’t like that person we must take responsibility and make the necessary changes. So if I looked in the mirror, would I want to be with me? Right now. Not really.

-Vic

5 Stages in Relationships

Stage 1 - The Romance Stage

This is also known as the Courtship Phase or the Fantasy Stage, and can last anywhere from 2 months to 2 years. This is when you and your partner have just met, and everything is absolutely amazing. You can't get enough of each other. Neither of you can do any wrong in the eyes of the other... mainly because you're both still on your best behavior. The focus in this stage is on commonalities - you have so many common interests, you could practically be the same person! You show your partner your absolute best self, and you try to please each other as much as possible. Conflict is seen as "bad" in this stage, and is avoided at all costs. You can't imagine living without this person, so you begin spending as much time together as possible. This is the stage when our defenses are down the most, which allows you to be open to and fall in love. You and your partner are building an important foundation in this stage, so your relationship can grow. There are biological effects as well. When you're in this stage, your body is producing enormous amounts of endorphins, which makes you feel unusually happy, positive and excited about everything in your life (this is that "head over heels in love" feeling!). This is the stage most often portrayed in movies and romantic novels, for obvious reasons. Bottom line - you are happier than you've ever been, and can't imagine ever feeling any differently.

Stage 2 - The Disillusionment Stage

This stage is also known as the Familiarization Stage, or the Adjusting to Reality Phase. This is where you begin to realize that your partner is actually a human being (horror of horrors!). You get to know each other more and more, and as a result you start recognizing their various flaws and shortcomings. You see your partner in relaxed situations, and you become more relaxed as well. Since your body cannot possibly continue to produce the same levels of endorphins that it was in the beginning, those feelings of being on top of the world start to decline. Your partner's little habits aren't quite as cute as they used to be, but there is still enough goodwill from the Romance Stage that you're willing to overlook them. This stage can start to trickle into your relationship slowly, as you begin to see your partner for who s/he really is. Or sometimes it happens all of a sudden, when there has been some sort of dishonesty or deceit. This phase can be confusing and discouraging, since you've just experienced so much openness and connection in the Romance Stage. However, at this stage, your main job is to learn how to communicate and resolve conflict with this person effectively, which is an important skill if you want your relationship to continue.

Stage 3 - The Power Struggle Stage

This stage is also known as the Disappointment Phase or Distress Stage. As the characteristics from the Disillusionment Phase intensify, they become harder and harder to deal with. You will most likely begin to pull away from each other in this stage. At this point, you both still believe that conflict is a "bad" thing, but you are increasingly aware of your many differences. You fight to draw boundaries in the relationship, and as a result even small annoyances become big issues. This is the stage where you define unacceptable behavior, and most couples have occasional or frequent thoughts of leaving the relationship. More and more often, you start to feel like your partner is self-centered or un-caring, or even worse, that they simply can't be trusted. Deep resentments begin to build if you're unable to resolve your issues in a respectful and mutually agreeable way. Many couples get stuck in this stage, because this way of interacting becomes normal in their relationship. This is when it is absolutely necessary to learn to manage your differences effectively - to communicate and work together as a team, even though it's tempting to believe that your partner's sole purpose on Earth is to make your life difficult. Not surprisingly, this is the stage most couples are in when they decide to break up or file for divorce. However, if they are able to negotiate all of the landmines during this phase, they'll move on to....

Stage 4 - The Stability Stage

This is a restful and peaceful time, compared to the last stage. This stage is also known as the Friendship Phase or Reconciliation Stage. Some couples never make it to this stage, but the ones who do find that they have deeper feelings of love, connection and trust with their partner. You now have history together, and most people begin to rely on the predictability of the relationship. As you enter this stage, you begin to realize that your partner isn't perfect, but your personal differences aren't quite as threatening as they used to be. You're able to resolve most of your differences, at least to some extent, and you become more confident in the relationship. Some people feel a sense of loss in this stage as they learn to accept their partner for who they truly are, since this means they have to let go of the fantasy that was established early on in the relationship. But for the most part, the deepening sense of friendship and commitment is a good trade-off for those early feelings of butterflies and excitement. This is also when you begin to re-establish your own outside interests and friendships, which were given up in the Romance Phase. There is some danger that you may begin to drift apart from or become bored with your partner in this phase, so you should try to maintain the connection that was created in the Romance Phase. Overall, this is the stage when you finally begin to feel comfortable and happy with your deepening relationship.

Stage 5 - The Commitment Stage

This stage is also known as the Acceptance Phase, the Transformation Stage, or the Real Love Phase. It is estimated that fewer than 5% of couples actually make it to this stage, according to The Relationship Institute. This is the stage when both couples have a clear notion of who their partner is, faults, foibles and weaknesses galore... yet they make a conscious choice to be with this person in spite of all of those things (and in some cases, because of those things). You are no longer with your partner because you need them, but because you've chosen them, which means the level of resentment you felt in the Power Struggle Phase has decreased, if not disappeared. If you've made it to this stage, you and your partner are a team. You genuinely love your partner, and you look out for their best interests just as much as you look out for your own. Your partner is your best friend. There are few surprises about your partner's habits or character in this phase. You've collaborated to overcome many challenges together, and have grown to accept and support each other without restriction. Your vision for your relationship is in congruence with who you are and what you both truly want. You have discussed your future together - you have similar life goals, and you feel encouraged to define your relationship further. Many couples decide to make a formal or public commitment to each other in this stage (such as marriage) to demonstrate their intention to continue their relationship. This is the stage in which your relationship becomes a true partnership.