If you asked me last year what type of person I’d be a year from then, I’d be totally off. My outlook has changed, my circumstances, approach towards life, goals, have all changed- For the better. Most would just write it off as maturation, but I’m not gonna limit myself to that. Yes, I’ve matured. But I have also been blessed, I’ve blossomed, I’ve experienced, I’ve yearned for more and for better. That’s not just maturation. That’s something divine.
I know that everyone has something deep down inside that tells them they deserve better or that they were destined for something great. But I feel that 10x more than others, I think. LOL Not downplaying anyone else’s dreams or goals. Not at all. For one, I wish nothing but the best for EVERYONE. But simply because I no longer compare my life to anyone else’s. I can’t. It’s a disease that many of us face and it only holds us back. Never compare. Set your own personal goals, base them only off your wants/needs/reality, then attain them on your own schedule. Simple. I’m destined for some big shit… That’s all I know.
I won’t lie though. I’m all about the positive now but let me keep it real. Sometimes I get really down. It’s because I look around and see privileged people. Some people just have so fuckin easy and it pisses me off. I get sooooo mad and envious and shut down. But they are not privileged- They are simply blessed in different ways than I am. At times like these, my positive attitude goes out of the window. I try to whine to someone but I get no results. You know, like when you were younger you did that to your parents and they always had something to say or do to make you happy for the moment. So whining gets tired. Because I realized that no one can help me but me. That’s how it’s been for many years. And yes, I pray about it. I do. But I learned something in church a short while ago….
I learned that God is really our Father in more ways than we realize. Essentially, the sermon was about asking for things versus waiting your turn. Being patient enough to wait on God’s movement and the things that were already written for us. The example the pastor gave us was how just like when we were younger we’d beg, cry and have tantrums for the things we wanted, we have that same relationship with God- Our Father. Didn’t matter if my mama told me we didn’t have the money for it or if I already had a similar toy, if I wanted it- I wanted it now. Something in my head told me I needed it and it was imperative that I had it at that very moment, thus, on my time. So like most parents, even when they know you shouldn’t have it, they give it to you. Sometimes because they really want you to shut the hell up. But sometimes, they give it you in a, “Here! Take this shit. You’ll learn.” type of way. (Don’t you remember how stupid you felt when you proved your parents right with stuff like that? LOL)
So back to me. When I start to whine about things that aren’t going my way… I don’t pray about it. I feel like it’s wrong of me to pray for my wants. I already know that God has my best interest at heart and will provide the things that I need. No need for me to ask for those. I just give thanks all the time. Even for the hard times. Because I know that there is a lesson out of it. Simple.
But sometimes I just cry to myself. Because I want to just call my daddy and have him tell me SOMETHING! Anything! There is nothing like the firm solution from a father figure. It’s like the end all, be all. Even if you don’t like it, from that point you kind of feel comfortable just accepting whatever he said. I was really emotional after this sermon on Father’s. I would kill for that comfort.
I pray that my Dad would come to me in my dreams but he never does. All I really want is a hug. Just to hear his voice tell me that everything will be okay. I’d believe him. And even though a dream is just a figment of my imagination, I’d take that and run with it. It would provide so much comfort. Just like when you haven’t heard from someone in a long time and they call you. Or like, when you think that you will never hear from someone again and you finally see their name pop up on the screen of your phone. Yea, that feeling. I want that. I wonder why he never comes to my dreams.
I say all of this to say, sometimes we feel as though we are at our lowest points. I told you, if someone asked me where I thought I’d be at on June 1, 2010.. It wouldn’t be here. And not only location wise, but who I’ve become as a person. I wouldn’t have been able to describe this Victoria a year ago. And yes, there will be so many great times. But we need to be real with ourselves, there will be some bad times too- Let’s face it. What is most important and what will get you by is your resolve. With you accepting things for how they are, being thankful regardless of how much you like the cards you were dealt and being humbled by whatever lesson that experience was divinely placed in your life for. In life, there will be times were you cannot lean on anyone to whine. All you will have is you.
Be strong. Be thankful. Be you. When you are down, look up!
-Vic
I know that everyone has something deep down inside that tells them they deserve better or that they were destined for something great. But I feel that 10x more than others, I think. LOL Not downplaying anyone else’s dreams or goals. Not at all. For one, I wish nothing but the best for EVERYONE. But simply because I no longer compare my life to anyone else’s. I can’t. It’s a disease that many of us face and it only holds us back. Never compare. Set your own personal goals, base them only off your wants/needs/reality, then attain them on your own schedule. Simple. I’m destined for some big shit… That’s all I know.
I won’t lie though. I’m all about the positive now but let me keep it real. Sometimes I get really down. It’s because I look around and see privileged people. Some people just have so fuckin easy and it pisses me off. I get sooooo mad and envious and shut down. But they are not privileged- They are simply blessed in different ways than I am. At times like these, my positive attitude goes out of the window. I try to whine to someone but I get no results. You know, like when you were younger you did that to your parents and they always had something to say or do to make you happy for the moment. So whining gets tired. Because I realized that no one can help me but me. That’s how it’s been for many years. And yes, I pray about it. I do. But I learned something in church a short while ago….
I learned that God is really our Father in more ways than we realize. Essentially, the sermon was about asking for things versus waiting your turn. Being patient enough to wait on God’s movement and the things that were already written for us. The example the pastor gave us was how just like when we were younger we’d beg, cry and have tantrums for the things we wanted, we have that same relationship with God- Our Father. Didn’t matter if my mama told me we didn’t have the money for it or if I already had a similar toy, if I wanted it- I wanted it now. Something in my head told me I needed it and it was imperative that I had it at that very moment, thus, on my time. So like most parents, even when they know you shouldn’t have it, they give it to you. Sometimes because they really want you to shut the hell up. But sometimes, they give it you in a, “Here! Take this shit. You’ll learn.” type of way. (Don’t you remember how stupid you felt when you proved your parents right with stuff like that? LOL)
So back to me. When I start to whine about things that aren’t going my way… I don’t pray about it. I feel like it’s wrong of me to pray for my wants. I already know that God has my best interest at heart and will provide the things that I need. No need for me to ask for those. I just give thanks all the time. Even for the hard times. Because I know that there is a lesson out of it. Simple.
But sometimes I just cry to myself. Because I want to just call my daddy and have him tell me SOMETHING! Anything! There is nothing like the firm solution from a father figure. It’s like the end all, be all. Even if you don’t like it, from that point you kind of feel comfortable just accepting whatever he said. I was really emotional after this sermon on Father’s. I would kill for that comfort.
I pray that my Dad would come to me in my dreams but he never does. All I really want is a hug. Just to hear his voice tell me that everything will be okay. I’d believe him. And even though a dream is just a figment of my imagination, I’d take that and run with it. It would provide so much comfort. Just like when you haven’t heard from someone in a long time and they call you. Or like, when you think that you will never hear from someone again and you finally see their name pop up on the screen of your phone. Yea, that feeling. I want that. I wonder why he never comes to my dreams.
I say all of this to say, sometimes we feel as though we are at our lowest points. I told you, if someone asked me where I thought I’d be at on June 1, 2010.. It wouldn’t be here. And not only location wise, but who I’ve become as a person. I wouldn’t have been able to describe this Victoria a year ago. And yes, there will be so many great times. But we need to be real with ourselves, there will be some bad times too- Let’s face it. What is most important and what will get you by is your resolve. With you accepting things for how they are, being thankful regardless of how much you like the cards you were dealt and being humbled by whatever lesson that experience was divinely placed in your life for. In life, there will be times were you cannot lean on anyone to whine. All you will have is you.
Be strong. Be thankful. Be you. When you are down, look up!
-Vic
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